Can You Hear Me Now?
by rikalynch
Summary: The horrors of Drunk!Cas. Rated T for Teen. Always wanted to say that. Warnings: Kind of some one-sided-drunk slash. Happy birthday, Tribble Master. Hope you like it!
1. Chapter 1

**Can You Hear Me Now?**

Author: Me, quite obviously.  
**Beta: **PlatinumRoseLady. Thank you!  
**Word Count: **626.  
**A/N 1:** For The Tribble Master. Happy (Early) Birthday! Hope you enjoy the great amount of Drunk!Cas, Hurt!Dean and Whore!Ruby. :]  
**Summary: **The horrors of Drunk!Cas. Rated T for Teen. Always wanted to say that. Warnings: Kind of some one-sided-drunk slash.  
**A/N 2: **Thanks to PlatinumRoseLady for the name, also. Enjoy the story, readers!

"Hey-hic!-Dean!" Cas slurs into his cell phone.

"Cas, I'm right beside you," Dean sighs, annoyed with the drunken angel.

"Shut up, I'm talking to Dean. He needs to pick us up. You're hurt."

"Cas, I _am _Dean!" Dean shakes the angel's shoulders from his spot next to him on the bench and winces in pain from the contact and movement.

"Shh, I'm talking to Dean." Castiel hiccups before continuing, "Hello Dean. Hey," Castiel shifts a little in his seat. "Why don't you talk to Dean?" Cas smirks and snorts as he hands the phone to Dean. Dean gives it back to the angel, a confused look on his face.

Castiel beams, and chucks the Blackberry against the nearest wall.

"You idiot!" Dean complains. "Augh!" Dean whips his phone out of his jacket pocket, and holds it out of the reach of the angel's grabbing hands until Castiel sees a plane in the sky that distracts him.

Dean holds down '2' on the number pad until Sam's number is dialled.

"Sam, can you come and pick us up? Castiel is hammered and I think I broke my ankle and I might have sprained my wrist, and I pulled a muscle in the other arm…" Dean complains.

_"Alright, I'll be there in a bit, I guess. Ruby, put your shirt back on. Ruby! Ruby, get off m- Ruby! Shirt! Don't take mine off! RUBY!"_

"Sam," Dean scolds.

Dean moans in discomfort, putting his phone on speaker, and placing it on his left shoulder, away from the angel, who was still staring at the 'star' that had long disappeared.

"_Dean, I'm being pummelled. Ruby! Put your pants back on! Come on!" _Dean can hear Ruby whine, and Sam continues. _"Please, Rube?"_

"Fine…" Dean can hear Ruby whine. _"First, can we please hav-"_

"No."

"Fine! Let's go, then. You owe me more time when we get back."

Castiel snorts, and says loud enough for Sam to hear, "your demon bitch has you in a bit of a kerfluffle now!"

_"Shut up, Cas!" _Dean, Sam and Ruby complain in unison.

_"We'll be there in five minutes. You're at the same bar, right?"  
_

"In front of it, yes." Dean hangs up after he hears the click.

"Dean," Castiel complains. "What did you do to my phone?"

"You threw it, dumbass."

Castiel bursts into tears and attempts to cuddle against Dean. Dean casually drapes one arm around Castiel's shoulder and lets him cry. Castiel sobs about his phone and squeaks something or other about Cabbage Patch Dolls, leading Dean to wonder if he even has a clue what they are.

Castiel finishes crying and scoots away from Dean, a content look on his face. _"JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WA-A-A-A-A-AY!" _He sings, loudly and off key.

Dean slaps his forehead to his palm, forgetting about his wrist. He uses his arm to block Castiel's mouth.

Soon enough, a canary yellow car speeds up and pulls up next to them. Sam flings open the passenger door and gets out.

"She was trying to eat my face and drive…" he mumbles as he slams the door. "Keys."

Dean stumbles to get the keys to the Impala out of his pocket. He gets them, and tosses them to Sam. He gets up, putting all his weight on his right foot.

Castiel decides that Dean is too hurt to walk, and he tries to pick the larger man up.

"Cas!" Dean says. "Put me down!"

Sam takes his brother from Castiel's arms and practically throws him in the front seat of the Impala. Dean thanks him with a nod of the head and Sam shoves Cas into the back seat.

"So, Cas," Dean begins. "What exactly _is _a kerfluffle?"

Castiel snorts and pretends to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Happy Birthday, Tribble Master. Enjoy what is left of it! I don't own them. They have ran away. Again. Damnit. This chapter is un-beta'd. So any mistakes are mine. I think Killer, my fluffy white plot bunny, ran away again.**_

"Enjoying your hangover?" Dean asks Castiel from a room over. Castiel pretends not to hear. "Are ya?"

Castiel begins to retch again, but nothing else comes back up. "Shut up!" He moans.

Castiel stumbles out of the bathroom, and collapses on Sam's bed. Dean mumbles something about a toothbrush as Castiel walks by, breathing heavily.

Suddenly, the door bursts open, and there stands a very angry-looking Uriel.

"Castiel." He scolds.

"Uriel," Castiel squeaks, acknowledging his superior's presence.

"Why are you doing such… _human _things? Experiencing such _emotions?_" He says the words with disgust. "Do you wish to become a mud-monkey?"

Castiel doesn't respond. He's learned that when Uriel talks, he does not wish for an answer.

"Very well, then," Uriel takes Castiel not responding as a _yes._ He lifts a hand and there is a bright white light, temporarily blinding Dean and Castiel.

With a last chuckle, Uriel disappears, leaving Dean and Cas knocked out cold.

They gather the strength to open their eyes twenty minutes later. Castiel stands up, and feels a few inches taller. It's weird. Dean gets up, to find himself staring at… himself. He suddenly realises that he's about three inches shorter than normal.

"What the hell?" Dean says, but his voice comes out…different. "Uriel! You son of a bitch!"

Castiel doesn't scold him for cursing his superior. He starts examining Dean's body.

"Stop feeling me up, you creep." Dean scolds. "Jesus! Do you ever eat?" Dean clutches his-Castiel's stomach and starts for the kitchenette.

"Do not use the Lord's name in vain…" Castiel mutters, but remains unheard by Dean.

"Well, we have a choice of nothing or nothing here. To a diner…" Dean mumbles.

The drive is silent and uneventful. When they arrive at the diner, Castiel out of habit, doesn't even look at the menu.

"You're keeping my body fed." Dean states, and slides the menu to him.

Dean tells his order to the waitress('s rack) and Castiel orders a simple salad.

"You are definitely not fucking someone in my body." Castiel deadpans. "Especially _her."_

Dean pretends to pout and looks down. Cas smiles and takes a sip of his beer.

The waitress gives them their food and gives Dean a wink. He groans, remembering that he was in Cas's body. He would not be getting laid until he was safe in his own.

He sighs and takes a bite out of his cheeseburger.

One thing Cas forgot to tell Dean…

…Jimmy's lactose intolerant.

**I'm not sure if I should continue this. I think I need more body-switchage time though. What do you think? Review! **


End file.
